#i didnt need validation but it's still... cathartic

[kindnessoverperfection]

got formally diagnosed with npd today

it's funny how i've known for years that i've been struggling w "high traits", and my therapist and i have been talking about my symptoms n such for a long while now, but this still makes it feel more "real" somehow. idk.

[my-lunaberg]

Okay, Im pretty sure Ive reached the point at which I originally stopped watching so. yay

To celebrate this occasion I thought I should talk a little about some of the complaints Ive seen about the finale in my for you tab because yeah, I just cant resist looking at it so Ive been spoiled pretty severely and also been dealt a good amount of psychic damage. But hey, its about the journey, not the destination and Im already in Advanced Therapy for my mental illnesses anyway

The two most complaints Ive seen are, it wasnt cathartic and it sends a terrible message. Now, I cant comment on the catharsis bc I havent watched it yet and also Im not even sure if that would be a deal breaker for me. Like, anti-climaxes can be very powerful, Schlatts death is one of my favorite moments in the entire dsmp düfor that exact reason. But that all depends on the execution so I'll save my more detailed thoughts for after Ive actually watched it

The complaint that I wanted to talk about in more detail now is the one about it 'sending a terrible message'

I spend a lot of time watching and analyzing kids shows specifically on the basis of "is this a good show for kids?" Like, kids will watch anything you put in front of them bc they dont know any better so I think its important to put something in front of them that encourages creativity, critical thinking and sends messages of compassion good and other things I cant think of off the top of my head. When analyzing kids shows like this its very important to keep that target demographic in mind because what kids like and need is often different from what teens and adults would consider well-written and thats fine. Theres plenty of kids media that can be enjoyed by teens and adults as well, but its perfectly fine for kids media to only cater to kids and even be actively boring for older demographics.

Keeping the fact that kids media should be analyzed differently than more mature media because its written differently, I dont think it controversial of me to say that, unlike kids media, media for teens and adults doesnt need to teach anything. The way I see it, kids media has messages while adult media has themes. Obviously theres a bit more nuance to this, but Im not trying to write an essay here, Im trying to complain about fandom shit

And I know this might be a hard pill to swallow for some people bc this is the internet where 7 year olds and 17 year olds are basically the same because theyre both "minors" with absolutely no nuance, but teenagers arent children and theyre not so impressionable that seeing a character in a minecraft roleplay be sympathetic towards their abuser is gonna suddenly make them forgive their own abusers if they didnt want to do that before or make them blind or to IRL abuser or whatever man, I dont even really know what exactly the concern is. Like, idk how to tell you this but the line between fiction and reality is not that thin and if the media someone consumes affects them that much theyre either very young or there are some underlining issues that storytellers are not obligated to account for.

Not to mention that dsmp is a story told from a bunch of different perspectives by a bunch of unreliable narrators who are all varying levels of shitty. Like, in kids shows the protagonists and the non-anatgonist supporting characters are role models and vehicles to teach messages, that doesnt fucking apply here, theyve literally made jokes about everyone being an unreliable narrator i dont know why anyone would think this is the kind of series where theyre actively trying to impart some kind of lesson, its literally Fucked Up Shit Happens feat, Fucked Up People: The Minecraft Roleplay

To end this weird long rant, Id like to say that I do understand why people would be upset with the ending (from the details I was able to gleam anyway) and as much as I think complaining about the 'bad message' is invalid and frankly kindof weird, being upset is still totally fine and valid.

Also, if you'd like to discuss this with me I'd appreciate it if you didnt spoil me any further. Like yeah, I already know the broad strokes but I'd still like to have a semi-'organic' experience watching this yknow

Anyway, have a nice day

[certifiedceraunophile]

Hi! A fan of your writing here. I just love the way you write Caroline. An Avoidable Heart is my comfort fic and I am constantly in awe with the way you write and craft the dynamics in that story. Caroline's inner monologue is just priceless and God! I just love that intro scene where Caroline is walking into the Mikaelson compound with vampires and hybrids in the surrounding ready to pounce on her.

I would love to hear how you would have visualized Caroline crossing over into TO or not? Like in what season and why? How it would have likely gone?

Thank you!

First of all lovely anon gimme a moment to breathe, asdfghjkl why are people so lovely 😭😭🥺✨ It means sooo much to me that you’d take the time to jump into my inbox and send these kind words, like please I’m not worthyyyyy, But you make me smile and feel really freaking warm so *handcuffs your hand to mine* you aint leaving 💖✨💞🙃

But OK ALSO oh my god dude THAT CAROLINE WALTZS INTO THE COMPOUND AND TAKES ON A COUPLE HUNDRED VAMPIRES BY HERSELF SCENE???? Ughhhhh I’m sorry but I have SUCH a boner for Caroline in that, like my badass -I admit kinda op- QUEEN IS HERE and she’s fucking shit up, I’m sorry but I love that scene so much it’s so dear to me I was killing myself over how self-indulgent and grossly Over powered Caroline is but like idgaf man it’s such a hot scene and Caroline is practically invincible and we just love to see that, so seriously lovely anon, you telling me you LOVE that scene??? Puts the biggest smile on my face and reassures me a LOT bc I was whining and cribbing over how absolutely unbalanced that scene is to literally everyone BUT LIKE YOU JUMPING OUT OF NOWHERE and pointing that exact scene UGHH…...meant to fucking be the both of us 💖💞✨

And ALSO Caroline’s monologue is quite honestly the easiest inner monologue out of the three voices I wrote for that work, Klaus’s is the real pain in the ass tbvh like it is NOT easy writing pretentious besotted losers with a Kardashian complex especially when you need to make them sound cool when they’re the lamest OP dude bros to ever exist - and no I don’t hate Klaus although I seem to try my darndest to convince ppl I do- I just personally believe that a feral fucker like that with a thousand years of existence under his belt can grow a pair and graduate from his kindergarten level of emotional maturity to adult sometime soon, But then on the flipside he’s so grossly adorkably smitten and feral for Caroline plus hella horny for her all the time that its usually easy to write the trashed and devoted idiot he is into something pretentious and powerful and potent when relating to his unflappable arrogance and his narcissism, but sometimes I also need him to be *deep* and ffs profound for the sake of the plot and jfc my muse just wont work with me on that, she’s like I’m sorry I’m not about to bust my ass to make this mongrel intelligible like no sir all I wanna do is make him uncomfortably horny for Caroline and leave him like that.

So smh yeah the struggle is real….but lmao Caroline is just so precious and fiercely protective and just so achingly lonely in that story, so desperate for connection and trust and intimacy yet so guarded and impervious to everyone like it hurts me to write her like that but it really challenges me as an author to balance out her inherent light with the “void” I create in her and through her, so yeah it’s a very fulfilling task and I wouldnt change it one bit, and also I had to balance out her physical op-ness w half a millennium of the ugliest emotional trauma lol so I guess that figures, but the point being….once again I am overjoyed knowing that you liked a facet of the story that I tried so hard to make as authentically Caroline and achingly real and moving as I can and I cannot possibly feel more accomplished than rn for it so ty ty ty ty for reaching out to me and telling me *tackle hugs* It makes me GIDDY knowing that you enjoyed that particular part of the story like ugh stab me please you're too sweet.

And ok NOW, coming to The Originals part of the ask, (also please note that when I say TO headcanon; Hope does not exist, Hayley is a dead in a ditch and ofc Klaus will stop being that lil bitch they tried to pawn off as Klaus in TO) 

HEADCANON 1

Honestly my biggest headcanon when it comes to TO crossovers somehow always include non-humanity!Caroline like it’s just so perfect to me?? The opportunity to make shit BLOW UP b/w them like imagine the DEBAUCHERY, the heat, the SEXUAL TENSION, the repression of one Klaus Mikaelson, the EXPLORATIONS, and omg the role reversal when Klaus has to be the voice of moral reason between them and not bc he believes Caroline would not be able to stand herself if she does something heinous and monstrous but bc he wants her to be completely and utterly herself, and yk *aware*, when she DECIMATES ppl to the ground and is in full-on predator mode, like he wants her monster to come out and play with him when no part of Caroline is locked away or suppressed, so obviously when she is w/o her humanity KLAUS exercises restraint on her behalf, like can you imagine that, Klaus restraining himself and being the vague, extremely broken and just largely inaccurate moral compass between the two of them for ALL the wrong reasons- and the entirety of NOLA just standing there watching him herd this baby vampire who seems to be intent on riling him up and angering him when all she is doing is giving him a massive hybrid hard on, like IMAGINE THE GOODNESS of non-humanity Caroline wrecking NOLA and Klaus letting her wreck it bc he is helpless in the face of Caroline Forbes and also bc he is quite honestly *enjoying* the debauchery himself so why put a damper on the festivities.

-I might wanna add that I favour this headcanon a lot bc I genuinely do not even remotely *like* the idea of NOLA as Klaus's chosen place to set his roots so like I would love Caroline going to NOLA and destroying everything there just bc I detest NOLA and the storyline behind it in TO. (yes is it petty? Obvi, but like I am a petty soul and I make no apologies ma’am)

HEADCANON 2

So yeah that’s my main TO headcanon, but my other one being, one I talk about very frequently, scream about in tag rants to an obsessive level, and like this is a cracky one but still very valid, where Caroline rolls up to NOLA humanity intact and all, finds Hayley preggo and is just laughing her fucking ass off bc anybody ANYBODY, with half a brain and a two minute convo w klaus would know how UTTERLY stupid the entire baby shit is especially when it’s with an immemorable one night stand, and Caroline’s just losing her shit about how like an entire city is obssessed w this baby and she just straight up tells Klaus he’d SUCK as a dad (which he really does tho like he was a shitty fucking dad canonically too) and Klaus is just like *sigh* girl tell me about it. I mean basically he’s finally relieved that someone is on his side about the whole baby thing and how he definitely does not want his entire millennium of life to finally sum up to this one squalling leaking stinky infant/unicorn Hayley is apparently baking in her oven, and I say this headcanon is cracky bc klaus would never have put up w this mess long enough for Caroline to come in and sort it out, there’s this preferred method of disposal of his called heart ripping that would've been employed quite early on and honestly saved us all a lot of brain cells and minused years of life, bc let’s be real any Klaus who’s NOT a lil snivelling bitch wearing a Klaus skinsuit would’ve yeeted the baby and the mama first chance he got, and that’s just how I see it.

Lmao I really hope I didnt scare you away w my *strong* opinions Ik they can be a bit much but I enjoy having them so theyre not going anywhere, anyways this ask answer got WAYYYY too long but I’m hoping I answered your question well with this or atleast left you slightly confused and bemused over my feral screaming....either ways I’m really really really happy to have got your ask and the chance to rant so much bs, Twas cathartic and honestly I had nothing to do today so I was more than happy to dish this baby out for you. Thank you so much sweet anon for putting a smile on my face today I am absolutely HONOURED by your words you’sa cutie 💖💞✨🗣🗣

[golden-redhead]

same anon towards ranting about spop final season - uh, didnt catra nearly destroy the world or something?? killed people??? all to get back at adora??? but people were still stanning her????? like i get the cycle of abuse and stuff, but that doesn't mean it's justified

Catra was a great villain and up until season 5 she was very well-written. I think she has a lot of traits that many of us can relate to because she represents that hurt, darker part that probably most people have, that part of us that was hurt, betrayed and disappointed with life and felt like no matter what we did we just could not win. The part of us that just kind of wants to scream it all out in the open and have this pain validated. And honestly, I think that’s pair. There’s something cathartic about having a character who is allowed to represent all that hurt and anger and we know that Catra was abused so we are sympathetic. 

The thing is, Catra goes waaaay past that and becomes an abuser herself and the way the show downplays it, especially in season 5, is honestly just jarring and somewhat disturbing. That said, though, it’s still fiction, of course some elements are exaggerated, I wouldn’t go as far as to say that Catra didn’t deserve a redemption arc.

The issue is... Her redemption arc sucks :’) Like, it sucks big time. 

It relies heavily on pushing the characters she hurt the most out of the plot in order to make it work so that the way she treated Scorpia and the destruction of Mermista’s kingdom is never addressed. The entire Angella thing got inconvenient, considering that, well, technically Catra is responsible for her disappearance/death, so the show suddenly very conveniently forgets all about it. And about the fact that if it wasn’t for Angella - Adora would have been the person who faced that fate, just, you know, a friendly reminder : )

The whole ‘but Catra apologized for what she did!’ thing couldn’t be more half assed even if it tried. She literally said ‘I’m sorry for everything’ which is basically a non-apology as she never acknowledges what exactly it is that she’s done. Up until almost the very last episode we see her and Adora fighting and not understanding each other and the choices they made and why they acted the way they did. They never got a chance to actually TALK and sort all of this together. And if that happened then we have to assume that it happened on the ship before they landed back on Etheria, which Noelle implied took some time, but nothing in canon actually indicated that, and even if that were true then we see them fighting and misunderstanding each other’s intentions literally in their last interaction before the kiss, so... Excuse me for not being convinced, I guess! 

Not to mention that... Aside from being a hurt kitty with trust issues, I know literally nothing about Catra as a person. I have no idea what she likes, what she dislikes, I don’t know what her values actually are. We know nothing about Catra as a person once you separate the whole Adora obsession thing and that’s not exactly the best look, you know? I am supposed to sympathize with Catra based on her experiences but once we get that removed there is very little to her as a person, I can’t tell you anything personal about Catra as a person that isn’t directly related to the plot and Adora and her trauma. 

Throughout the whole show, she was consistently portrayed as a cruel, spiteful person and the supposedly ‘wholesome’ childhood flashbacks only prove that there’s very little to her beyond that. I work with children, one child scratching their friend because they dare to like other people and being possessive of them isn’t cute, it’s the kind of behavior that needs to be corrected and unlearned. And Catra never grows out of that, the show has to literally go out of its way to have Glimmer and Bow accept her, conveniently shoving years of abuse under the rug. The show treats Glimmer being desperate to save her people and making one mistake largely caused by grief and lack of support as a much worse offense than THREE YEARS of Catra commanding the evil troops and carrying out the mission that, at worst, cost hundreds of civilians their lives, and, at best, forced an entire kingdom to abandon their home. 

Honestly, the way the last season woobifies her and conveniently ignores everything that would stand on the way of her redemption is not only lazy but also sickening and Catra, as a character, deserved a much better ending that actually allowed her to grow as a person, realize her mistakes and find herself. Instead, we got a love story with a very convoluted and confusing message (because trust me, once you start to think too much on the ‘Please, stay’ line it becomes REALLY confusing and unclear as to what exactly the show tried to say with that) where we never saw both parties actually coming to an understanding and finding a healthy way to heal after years of bad blood, abuse and pain.  

[wormmomma]

MIDSOMMAR SPOILER REVIEW: this movie fucking broke me

CW:RAPE, ABUSE, PEDOPHILLIA

“Midsommar” is a grimm fairytale of sorts. A fairly different homage to the cult film the “wicker man”. “The wicker man” is about a european cult being investigated by a british christian cop, “midsommar” avoids the christian indictment of pagan/occult religious practices. midsommar attempts to be an out and out horror film unlike the a genre bending murder mystery/horror/thriller roots of “The wicker man”. Director ari aster obviously wanted to add to the annals of folk horror by creating an ambitious beautifully horrific and sometimes downright psychedelic film. Ari aster wanted to make a film where you can’t hide from the horror as it all happens in front of you. It's also a breakup movie for some reason? As someone who has seen the theatrical cut twice and the director's cut once I can assure you it misses the mark when taking both concepts. If you're wondering  whether not to watch the film i think that on a technical level “midsommar” is beautiful and has amazing cinematography, but the answer is yes, but no. Jordan Peele was shown an advance copy of the film and told Aster "I think you’ve made the most idyllic horror film of all time" that high praise. But that  being said for personal reasons this will be my final time seeing the film. I think the director's cut is a gorgeous and amazing three hour film. But as someone personally affected by rape, pedophillia, and the victimization mentally or physically handicapped people i cant reccomend this film wholeheartedly. I'm far from squeamish and love films that revel in shock, horror and extremity but I cannot in good conscious recommend a film I almost walked out on. I think Ari Aster has backpedaled immensely in his ability to create horror that exhibits empathy for his characters and the triumphs and tragedies that he subjects them too. “Hereditary” had an amount of emotional pathos for its characters that was almost completely removed from “Midsomer”. The fim feels unreasonably cruel even for a horror movie. Although enjoyable, proceed with caution “Midsommar” is a beautiful, slow, horrific but ultimately controversial mess of a film. 8/10

 (the rest of this review is a plot synopsis and a meditation on the more controversial passages in the movie and is to be read for those who have actually seen midsommar. Spoilers abound!) 

So what’s it  about? 

Midsommar is about Dani, an anxious and vulnerable young woman dating an emotionally abusive and reserved boyfriend named christian. After her bipolar sister commits suicide and murders both there parents, Dani goes on a european excursion with cristian with his anthropologist friends as they study a swedish cults midsommar summer solstice tradition. Dani reeling not only from having her parents taken from her by their favorite child, but also from the lack of any real emotional support goes on a gorgeous, psychedelia, induced nightmare of the cult horror variety. Immediately after touching down on the swedish cult's beautiful grassy commune christian manipulates dani into taking psychedelics. Christian although quite emotionally stunted and quite meek at his core is very sly and amazing at working people. Watching Christian make Dani do psychedelic drugs (mushrooms i believe) to make her clear refusal to take them into something that not only affects christian but also his friends and everyone around them is almost scary in its hilariously methodical toxicity. This leads to dani having a panic attack and from there the hits just keep on coming. Dani then has to watch as two cultist commit ritual suicide. This traumatic incident further escalated when one jumped off the mountain on his leg and needed to have his head crushed by cult members till it turns to meat and dust. To make a long three hour story with icelandic pacing short lets race to the finish line:

Christian begins to be pursued by a cult member named maja. Dani still reeling from seeing two people commit suicide has her worries invalidated by christian and all of his anthropologist bros. The anthropology bro argues about who deserves to break basically every rule of basic anthropology as they try to see who gets PAID for perverting a culture they were invited to study not disturb. Christian eats one of majas pubes. After pissing on a ceremonial tree for the dead, and taking photos of the forbidden religious text (written by an inbred autistic oracle boy) our two american secondary characters are chopped off. Dani and christian are the final outsiders left standing. Dani joins a dance competition (yes really) and becomes this year's may queen. forever to be immortalized in the annals of white female faces shown in portraits plastered in the sleeping quarters of this matriarchal cult commune. Christian is then raped as we discover how all the bodies of our other character are disposed of. Dani, inebriated and vulnerable, discovers christian being raped by the cult and forced to sleep with the 16 year old maja. Disgusted dani vomits and syncs her cries of pain with the cult sister and finally has her trauma validated. She is given the choice to then murder christian as hes trapped in a paralyzed state. Dani decides to burn christian alive in the body of a bear, finally defeating and overcoming her emotional abuser. Dani smiles as the cult writhes in pain from the death of the cult members burning alive with christian.Dani is happy. She has family. She is home.

So lets (finally) talk about maja

“Look at it from an academic perspective it would provide a unique glimpse into our sexual rights.”

“Can i not have a unique glimpse without participating?”

This is a conversation that is awkwardly cut from the theatrical version of midsommar. Christian is being offered to have sex with maja. Maja is a sixteen year old girl. The closest aster ever comes to revealing this fact is offhandedly mentioning maja having her first period. Christian refuses sex and is raped by maja, and the cult while a fourteen year old disabled child watches. There's a lot wrong with this scene. I’ll be honest for personal reasons I was really disgusted by this scene. I feel like im projecting but rape and pedophellia are really delicate topics and should be treated sensitivity. Ive seen alot of extreme very difficult horror films, i've seen rape, pedophillia, and violence explored in meaningful interesting and empathetic ways even ari asters own work like “meet the johnsons”. But watching maja rape christian with what i would assume are her older siblings, aunts, grandmothers, mother and other cult members as a 14 year old boy watches just made me feel fucking dirty. The weird part: it isn't horrific. While cristian was being raped, the audience I was watching it with were laughing. It wasn't scary. it was funny. It's a cognitive dissonance. The audience isn't aware of christians being raped or majas age. Most people assume he's cheating and deserves to be burned alive by dani. Making christian the bad guy of his own a rape is horrific but i shouldn’t need to hunt down that information and watch the film three times to understand that. It makes the movie feel as if its really bad at relaying basic information, at worst it's dishonestly hiding it to make the film more palatable. After putting all the pieces together I was disgusted. Ari aster crossed a line. I felt queasy and never wanted to see this film ever again. The fact ari aster could have made maja of age, or take the disabled 14 year old out the scene entirely, or not have had christian be raped in the first place while reaching a more understandable and tragic ending annoys me to know end, it feel like i watched these characters be used and mistreated for no reason. Just to shock me. It lacks value, it’s  gross and uninteresting. much like christian and everyone involved i feel violated and it's really hard for me to enjoy watching what is an otherwise (although flawed) very interesting and compelling work or art. I’m  still morbidly curious of the next film ari aster makes but i really hope he learns for this mistake and doesn't objectify children in another weird fetishistic male rape comedy routine. It just leaves me confused, disgusted and only makes it more challenging to analyze the more interesting implications of the film. I really appreciated hereditary as someone who has a very emotionally abusive family and has a very hard time processing death. I found hereditary horrific as it is cathartic. As someone who had to quite recently confront a pedophile, midsommar just left me hurt, and trapped. I was reliving some of the worst parts of my trauma as an audience sits around and laughs at it. It all felt so tragic and meaningless. I want to actually give ari asters work an honest critique but he's produced the only work of film that really hurt me and left me feeling violated. I really love his work and I know I'm exaggerating but I hope art never has such a negative effect on my mental health or anyone else’s ever again. I don't blame Maja or christian or the actor who portrayed them. I respect their performances although I have zero respect for how utterly tasteless midsommar ended up being for me. I think I need to learn how not to take art so seriously and try not to invest myself in other people's work. It's a difficult habit to kick. Needless to say, I cannot recommend this movie. If you're able to separate art from the artist and read this whole review without watching the film you're not a bad person for watching it, midsommar is a compelling, difficult experience.

I hope you enjoyed this review and I'm sorry if it got wayyy too personal in the end there. The movie clearly struck a raw nerve for me. if you enjoy this or any review  i've dones let me know. I may reveiw hereditary in the future.if your also having issues with death, rape, abuse or mental health i hope this review didnt make it worse. Everyone is deserving of love, family, community and I hope everyone can find that. Have a good day, and have a safe quarantine.   

[cupcakesandtv]

You're the only person I know who watches NHIE, and I really need to talk to someone about this, so apologies in advance...At the end of the episode where Devi says I hate you & you see the look on Mohan's face before the cut to the credits absolutely broke me. My dad had a massive heart attck when I was 19, and the hours leading up to it I was being a shitty 19 year old to him. He ended up being okay, but I still carry that with me today. I still feel like I can't be mad at him because what if.

That is a heavy thing to carry. It’s okay to put it down. Our parents are human and so are we. You’re allowed to be upset with your dad and your being upset with him DIDNT in anyway affect his health. I’m sure you know this but sometimes we need to hear it from someone else to really get it.

My dad died about 6 years ago and sometimes I still feel guilty that I’m not grieving properly or that I’m relieved he died. (He was in chronic pain all the time so I’m glad he’s not in pain anymore.) And I was an adult when this happened! It’s normal and valid to have a lot of feelings about death or almost death of parents or loved ones. You’re doing okay. ��

Never Have I Ever for me was a really cathartic watch. I feel like Devi and her mom’s grief were portrayed in ways that felt real and relatable for me and it sounds like you also related. Again, it’s okay to feel those feelings about your dad’s heart attack but it’s also okay to take a step back and know that wasn’t your fault. 💕💕💕

I feel privileged that you’d trust this with me and you can of course talk to me about it as much as you’d like. The same goes for anyone else.

[priceforrottenjudgement]

Seeing people openly talk about how this bullshit traumatised them is honestly so validating. Throughout the whole thing i thought i was the only one having these extreme anxieties around anything asexuality related and now i see ppl talk about the bs that was just widely accepted and how everyone can tell how idiotic this whole thing was in retrospect. I'm usually not one to name ppl directly, but ive seen people drop usernames that are still all too familiar to me and this is so cathartic. Most of these people are now considered bigots or had full on mask off moments that i didnt know of bc ive had to curate my dash to the point where i unfollowed most people even mentioning asexuality. Which is so fucked up, bc its a pretty important part of my identity.

I didnt know i needed this until now, people sharing their own experiences is so sad and it is opening old wounds, but its a healing process. The fact that i even thought i had to start this post by saying its honna sound "cringy" shows how much internalised shame i still have to get over.

This is gonna sound major cringe and is also a bit of a downer considering its asexuality day, but we've apparently all collectively decided to abandon acecourse and everyone has realised that bashing aces isnt that cool actually, which im SUPER grateful for, and i just wanna quickly say that acecourse and how people treated aces has kind of fucked me and other aces on here up lmao.

I wasnt ashamed of being ace until you fuckheads taught me it was cringy, immature, invasive, fake etc etc. I have seen people call aces "inherently homophobic", "childlike", "basically straight", "attention whores", "wanting to be oppressed" and worse SO MANY TIMES. Ive seen ppl who were big names on here (lmao) spout hurtful and untrue shit and be celebrated by thousands of bloggers. Ive seen people make up the wildest strawmen and the most unhinged conspiracy theories about how aces were gonna steal all the lgbt ressources (????what) and how allosexual was apparently a slur in some dialect in canada and how the split attraction model was homophobic and ive seen you fucks eat that shit up. Yall made fucking sideblog dedicated to telling aces they werent valid. Like????? How pathetic is that??? I remember some of the most vicious ~exclusies~ and some of you are still active to this day and i doubt yall have the self-awareness necessary for it, but i hope you feel at least a little bit sorry or ashamed.

This entire narrative was incredibly damaging and tbh i havent fully processed it to this day. I cringe whenever i see someone post about asexuality, i cringe when someone mentions an asexual character, i cringe when i see asexuality trending. I wasnt like this before yall decided my identity was something you could flex your debate team muscles over.

Fuck you.

Happy international asexuality day.

[blackrupee]

Wow your life sounds complicated right now I'm sorry for that. So you aren't gonna have any managers what the fuck? And OH MY GOD I hate when people come in to eat so close to close!!!! ( I work @ zaxbys) if someone is acting passive aggressive I would act even more passive aggressive- make that bitch regret it- regarding the 2 guys: 2 guys is better than no guys:))) wish the first one didn't pressure you though. How did the 2nd one hurt you? - and I care so don't worry about boring me

hi hello would you like to read a novel on my life thanks i talk too much (tldrs at end)

nah like.. we had been managing with a general manager and 3 assistant managers even though we really need 4 so as not to overwork anyone. we recently hired a new one from a corporate arbys (we’re franchised) and two just quit. like i mentioned, theyre not coming back even though the original plan was that their new jobs would be only temporary (6 weeks). sooooo now we have a general manager who only works weekday day shifts, one assistant manager who is relatively new (she had been working at this place for a while but was promoted to manager 6ish months ago) and another who is brand new but still has some experience. they said theyre looking to promote from within initially, but they might have to hire outside people if no suitable potential manager is picked. id love to get manager pay and its not like managers do anything hard so id be WILLING to be a manager..like the whole reason why i got trained on backline was because we have such a big turnover rate with backline people since it fucking SUCKS and i was wanting to be helpful and flexible. so like. thats what i offerred. but one assistant manager was like “lmao all youd do is swear at the customers” and im like bitch when have i ever?? i talk shit about them all the time but ive only sworn IN FRONT OF a customer twice and neither time was it directed at them. but i mean im sitting on a small handful of customer complaints so its not like the gm would even consider me probably. idk dude. i can be nice if you pay me to be nice. but i get paid to do food and do it fast……….so

but yeah literallyyyyyyyyy i have no idea how people can be so??? inconsiderate???? and they dont??? care??? im learning that my contant frustration with people in my personal interactions is due to a disconnect between what i value in  expectations and what actually happens. like. when i go somewhere i already KNOW what i want, so i say it quickly and competently. i preface a lot of my interactions with people im requesting food or services from with “i’m sorry but…”. i phrase things as “could i get” as opposed to “get me” or “i want” which sound HELLA rude tbh. id always have my money ready at the window or the register, im always trying to pay attention and not miss anything or just….be rude in any way bc i know fast food fucking sucks. i know some of the people i interact with probably hate their job as much as i do and i want to be the smallest burden i can be. and it seems like nearly no one else has these same values???? and i dont understand how people can just??? be? so? inconsiderate?

also yes bitch im the queen of passive aggression. literally the night before i was working a short shift and my friend was closing frontline and this bitch was closing drivethrough. i just got the okay to clock out and i was like “bye! have a beautiful night! just know that i love you so much and ive everything ive ever said has always been fake until this point! never meant anything ive ever said until now especially if your name starts with k or ends with ristin (drivethrough girl/the one whos being so difficult is named kristin) but just know that i love you!” and basically being really dramatic and extra as satire.

i guess for context the whole reason she decided to be mad at me was the other night when she was drunk and was like “do you even likeeeeeee meeee i feel like you hateeeee meeee wahh wahh wahhhh” even though im like…..yes bitch i enjoy your company? i joke/use hyperbole/satire/irony/whatever a lot but like occasionally id be like “ey yo you know its all jokes right u know i love u right” just to ensure that she knows but she fucking. ignores it all. i feel like she so desperately WANTS me to hate her and tbh i got fucking sick and tired of hearing her complain all the time about this shit! i fucking hate repeating myself! so sure. if you want me to hate you so fucking much there. i hate you. i fucking hate you so fucking much. like is that what you want to hear? is that validating? are you fucking happy?

its so fucking frustrating

but i will not be held accountable for her decision to be upset. because thats what it is. she wants to be upset, and she wants me to be responsible for it when its literally not my responsibility. i am absolutely not going to stand for this shit like i kind of want to say its emotional abuse lmaooo but im just so fucking sick of it. 

everyone knows that i take chicken tenders and turnovers that would be thrown out at the end of the night and she was closing frontline yesterday and made a point to throw out the turnovers right next to me without asking if i wanted any/leaving any for me. i mean i completely expected her to be that petty of a bitch so it was kind of funny tbhonestly. also im p sure she unfollowed me here lmaoo

with regards to the guys and this paragraph could get a bit tmi/nsfw: yeah the first one kind of sucked but i feel like a little bit of the New Person Nerves have worn down so id do better if we were to hookup again. because like i totally would love to have fucked him but…..anxiety. he was hot tho. like 10/10 body and ass holy shit. plus he complimented me on my ass eating so (assuming that was genuine and not a vapid ego boost haha paranoia am i right) hopefully he comes back for seconds. 

second guy ive had a longish history with. started talking to him at the beginning of last fall semester and we hooked up kinda regularly for about a month. things fell apart, we both understood that we wouldn’t be good dating wise but still enjoyed meaningless cuddles. whatever. it got to a point where he would only hit me up like once every month and a half or so and towards like january-ish he hits me up again. so im like nice cool lets chill. im getting ready for this but my phone is in the other room. while im doing this he drove by my place to pick me up (since he was on his way back from nashville), didnt get a response to an “im here” text (bc i was busy and tbh not expecting him to do that), and left. he lives within like walking distance tho so im like “?? sorry i was busy are you still out or should i walk over?“ and he texts me like “sorry hold up a thing just happened” and im like…….okay. so im just.. waiting around for him. periodically texting like “hey are we good for tonight and whats going on?” because like there was some drama with his friend? hes like.. apologizing and shit but this goes on for an hour. BUT. the ENTIRE time he’s dealing with this friend problem or whatever he’s literally on grindr. and at the end of this hour im like in full blown paranoia panic mode and i literally text him something mentioning this and he BLOCKS ME ON GRINDR so im like ??????!!!!??? and i text him (all while saying “not to be crazy or paranoid bc im probably coming off that way but like could i get an answer or something??”) AND HE LITERALLY SAYS HE DELETED HIS GRINDR. but thats a LIE because i have a secondary account to see like……if guys are still on grindr/if a thing with a guy might turn into something more like if i see he’s not on grindr as much?? thats prob incredibly stalkerish and probably really creepy but hey. thats me. so i KNOW he lied to me but i cant really say “hey ur a liar” without disclosing this weird creepy stalker part of me (funnily enough this isnt the first time a guy has lied to me and i caught it with my secondary account! so it proves to have some function use in the end. not totally crazy). so. yeah. that was the incident. after this i dont trust him at all, and i still dont, but i had it in my mind to like somehow get him to fall in love with me just so i could break his heart for doing this? never really worked out. so now im at the point where im like….eh he’s a piece of shit and i hate him but ill cuddle with him bc it feels good

back to nsfw/tmi: the sex was okay. he’s weird about people being near his like….dick and stuff because he was raped and i totally get it bc i was too but he was comfortable enough for me to finger him and my finger still hurts from where he clenched when he came lmaoooooo. was totally hot tho. and i got to east his ass so im like eyyyyyyyy. its been so long since ive eaten ass so having it two consecutive nights in a row has been cathartic.

tldr; we have 2 assisant managers and a gm rn. looking for more

tldr; bitch. same.

tldr; bitch. same.

tldr; he’s a liar

[heronwood-addict-blog]

Ummm... heelp??

A little history:

So a couple years ago, I came out as a trans male. I went by Kyle. At the time, i had a boyfriend and a male friend(both whom were trans). Both whom presented as full on masculine. They both basically pressured me into also presenting full masculinity. The one boy had said that if i was a "real" trans guy, then i wouldnt wear makeup or have any feminine behaviors. After a while of being torn down and being called a fraud-WHICH IM NOT IM JUST MORE OF A FEM BOY THAN A MASC- because i find makeup cathartic and perfect for self expression; i went back to she her hers. I was tired of all the hate i was receiving and not feeling validated by my trans peers that were in my life.

Present:

So those views are no longer in my life, and i can now see that i am valid. That being a feminine trans male IS valid, if it is true to myself. And it is. It truly is.

What i need help with?

Soooo my family. They were fairly open when i came out in the past. They didnt get it at first, but they came around slowly. Now, my grandmother took the longest, with the strongest conservative views ive ever seen. But over time she came around to it. See, im worried about how theyll react. And honestly, i dont even know how to approach the subject. Like "heeeey, yall know how i came out as trans male a couple years ago? well i still am but more feminine 😅✌💅". The other thing is, i have my dead name, my trans masc name, my im not trans masc but i dont feel comfortable with my dead name, and the name i wanna use now. My family has FINALLY gotten used to my preferred name, and im scared that they arent going to want to use my more masc name that i wanna be called. See, i dont wanna use my old name because that name, reminds me of a time that i was being bullied into a persona that wasnt me. Id hope that my family would understand but honestly, im really scared.

Honestly, im scared to come out again to my family. Im scared that they wont accept me.

Can anyone help me?

[groundramon]

I know the only person this is going to matter to/apply to is me because nobody else hates Bakugo as much as I do and everyone hates Mineta, but I just want to clarify that how much I hate Bakugo and Mineta are on very different levels.

That is to say, they arent comparable.  Not because I hate Bakugo significantly less than Mineta, but because of the difference between intentional and unintentional hatred.

Bakugo is a character that you’re...not supposed to hate as much as I do, necessarily?  But you’re not supposed to love him unconditionally.  He’s not some precious uwu baby, he’s a big bully and a dick to the main protagonist.  He’s supposed to be an interesting antagonist.  Not a villain yet, but still an antagonist.  You’re not supposed to sympathize with him like you’d sympathize with Izuku, or Uraraka, or even Iida.  I probably hate him more than I’m supposed to, but you’re not supposed to see him as the good guy, you’re supposed to see him as a dick, so it kind of works out.  Alternately, it makes it HELLA cathartic when the narrative decides to give him his just deserts, so again, it kinda works out.  (Unfortunately Bakugo is also a bit of a prodigy so those cathartic moments are few and far between, but even knowing that almost everyone else hates him is super satisfying)

Mineta is a comic relief.  That’s, like, confirmed from the creator - he’s just supposed to be a comic relief.  There are very few other characters that are solely/primarily there for comic relief but I guess the main characters he’s up against are Hagakure and Aoyama.  And you know what?  Hagakure and Aoyama make me laugh.  I take one look at them and they make me laugh.  Not everything they say makes me laugh (Aoyama in particular doesnt make me laugh all the time) but they never make me angry at the characters themselves.  (Especially Hagakure, Hagakure is amazing and I’d die for her)  In fact I like both characters, and I’m not a very comedy-driven person (just take my word for it, I know my tumblr presence doesnt reflect that but shh).  But Mineta?  His design doesn’t really bother me, but god, even his voice is annoying.  He’s only ever said one thing that I can think of that I didnt lowkey or highkey want to punch him for (I dont remember what it was, but it had to do with Izuku pushing himself too far) Even if he’s just, like, scared, everything about how he’s written and voiced makes me want to smack him into another anime.  Like it’s not even his sexual perversions that annoy me, although to be fair if he was just a big baby he’d be a lot more tolerable.

I’ve analyzed both Bakugo and Mineta and how they relate to other characters in their respective tropes.

For all intents and purposes, Bakugo is an extremely well-written character - thus far anyways/from what I can tell with the information we’ve been given in the anime, and currently without any character development.  It’s possible this is more of a western thing but whenever I think of classroom bullies, I think of dumb assholes who even my overly nice ass could probably beat in a roasting competition because they aren’t even remotely intelligent - or if you want to get really deep, the same character except with some tragic backstory that causes them to bully like their mom died and their father is hard on them.  And then they get redeemed and suddenly they do well in school again.  But Bakugo absolutely subverts this as being intelligent, calculating, and not even a braggart about his intelligence - whenever someone points it out, he just kind of brushes it off.  He’s much more concerned with how physically powerful he is.  Which is interesting, because he’s always been praised for his quirk and physical powers.  And I think that’s what he prioritizes over all else, and why he acts like the fucking dick he is.  Because he’s always been the best, because of his quirk, because of his physical prowess with said quirk, and he needs to prove it to everyone or else he isn’t valid.  (Bakugo you’re already not valid you problematic shit but i digress)

But Mineta?  Ehh.  Not to sound like a Mineta apologist but he isn’t the absolute worst that the “sexually perverted child” trope has to offer.  Having said that, even by the low, low standards of the very existence of the trope, he isn’t exactly a great one either.  I mean you can make any trope work if you try hard enough and bend enough of the rules, but Mineta doesn’t do that.  He doesn’t do anything particularly horrible for the trope, but he’s just uncomfortable because the trope itself is horrible.

And Bakugo here is interchangeable with almost any character in BNHA.  Most of the major characters have something setting them apart from a trope, albeit some less than others, and even more minor characters like Kirishima feel well-rounded and interesting and like they’re avoiding or even downright subverting tropes (I lov Kirishima because he seems like someone who should be angry all the time like Bakugo but in reality he’s a giant sweetheart and I LOVE HIM).  The other pure comedy reliefs aren’t quite as well rounded as, like, Iida, obviously.  But even then, Aoyama’s quirk is really unique and Hagakure does have a relatable personality despite usually being reduced to a joke.  Nothing sets Mineta apart from his trope besides also being another trope - a big crybaby, which actually isnt that uncommon in the sexually perverted child trope either.

[my-lunaberg]

Oh okay, then I mustve misintrepreted that post lol

I was referencing another post I made, which was more about my opinions on how to approach 'messaging' in fiction in general, although it was still mostly written to complain about the dsmp fandom specifically. The tldr is that I think its a bit silly to critize something that was clearly not intended to have A Message on the basis of the message being bad. That being said, I do understand why some people would be discomforted by the way abuse ended up being portayed because it is a sensitive topic obviously and while the fandom has been careful to be mindful of people by having warnings on the wiki and stuff like that, the content creators themselves really havent, like, Ranboo has derealization cws for the streams where thats relevant but Tommys streams, which deal pretty heavily with abuse and trauma at times, dont have anything like that, so that another valid reason to be upset. Like, if someone ignores content warnings and ends up getting exposed to upsetting content thats on them, but if someone isnt given content warnings and ends up getting exposed to upsetting content the creators should definitely lable their art more responsibly.

Also, while I dont get hung up on the messaging like some other people do, I still dont like a lot of what Ive been seeing in regards to Dream and Tommy. Like, I think Dream is an intersting character and I relate to him a lot and seeing him get a chance at happiness or even redemption would be very cathartic for me (ofc it still depends on the execution, but I really like the concept itself) but. he doesnt need to be with Tommy for that yknow? He can better himself and have friends and go make out with Punz or whatever far away from Tommy while Tommy can go and be with all of his friends that havent died/gone to the end/gone to utah? apparently?? far away from Dream. I get that its important that it ends with them since theyve kinda started everything, but also you dont have to become besties with someone who abused you in order to symbolically close the cycle of conflict that you both inadvertently dragged everyone in the world into

Idk I feel like Im being kinda insensitive about this and I think I even know the reasons lol

1. The other piece of media that Im currently into is Black Butler, moreso the manga than the anime, but I did watch the anime first and if I had to extrapolate and articulate A Message from the ending of season 1 (which many co sider to be the true ending bc a lot of people really didnt like season 2 lmao) it would basically be "You should kill yourself. You should have one ultimate goal in life and once youve achieved that, you should just kill yourself and die 👍" and thats yknow, really bad and messed up. But something being bad and messed up doesnt really bother me as long as it hits on a purely emotional level, which the ending of season 1 certainly did, so thats just the way it is and Ive made my peace with that

2. Ive already basically moved on. Like, Im a big Yugioh anime fan and Ive watched 6 out of 8 series which are currently out which are, for one, almost a 1000 episodes of really mediocre media designed to get 12 year old boys to want card games, and also 5 of the most dissapointing and terrible endings ive ever seen. There is only one yugioh series finale that I thouroughly enjoyed, the rest are all just kinda bad. At this point I might as well have a masters degree in Messy Series That Are Mostly Carried By The Great Characters And Some Neat Concepts With The Worst Endings Possible. And because of that, Ive already moved on, I know Im probably not gonna like it and if I do its probably just because its not as bad as tumblr scared me into thinking it would be, In my mind im already working on my little AU idea where Tommy and Tubbo swap places or my AU idea where Wilbur dies again and decides he just wants to stay in limbo and also Ghostbur is there and entire thing is basically just them working through some shit and going on weird funky train adventures or fanfics where Dream gets tortured in prison or whatever else I like. When a series has a shitty ending I have a very easy time just taking whatever I liked most about it and only thinking about those parts and just kinda ignoring the ending while also being happily free from the shackles of canon since the series is over lol

I've talked about this before but Ive been somewhat spoiled for the ending of dsmp so I already know that Tommy and Dream are gonna end on good terms or whatever and a lot of people dont like that because something something it sends a bad message something something and Ive already made a post about why complaining about "bad messaging" in media thats not for kids is stupid so Im not gonna get into that again. I just wanted to say that when I look up posts about the finale and I see anyone talking about how its OOC for Tommy to sympathize with Dream or forgive him or whatever, Im just gonna assume you didnt pay too much attention. Like, Tommy forgave literally everyone who wronged him, who ever did anything bad to him no matter what it was. And granted, nothing that Techno did or Wilbur or even Tubbo to an extend, was nearly as bad or deliberate as the things Dream did to him but still, this guy clearly feels bad about 'betraying' Techno during the days building up to Doomsday despite yknow, everything that happened on Doomsday. And sure, Im not gonna say he didnt betray Techno, but I wouldnt say that he was unreasonable or that he should feel bad or anything, but he inexplicably does idk what to tell you. Also, to be fair, the people that have been complaining about OOC stuff during the finale have mostly been complaining about Dream but Im just saying this in advance

I know I should probably just wait until I finish this stupid series to start having opinions about the finale but I cant help it man, I keep looking into my for you tab and I keep seeing posts about it and it took me 40 days to watch around two thirds of the dsmp (if the playlist is to be believed) i cant keep my opinions to myself for that long